I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Again I will build you, and you shall be built.
Jeremiah 31:3-4
If you are in a season of brokenness, pray this prayer. Let it be the raw beginning of your healing process. Let the Lord begin to build you again.
Dear Lord, thank you for being a God of restoration.
You are a Father who draws us to yourself, a perfect God who is slow to anger and abounding in love. (Psalm 103:8)
I live in a very broken world, full of real hurts and seasons of loneliness.
Lord, as I surrender my brokenness to you, would you meet me where I am and clothe me with your affections.
It is in your Perfect love that all fear is cast out. (1 John 4:18)
You declare, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah. 31:3)
This is not a love that must be earned. I do not have to be “good enough” for you to bestow your love and acceptance upon me. You love me because I am yours. You love me because I am apart of you, crafted in your image. You call me beloved child. You are a father to the fatherless, a savior to the sinner, a comforter to the brokenhearted, you are a lover to the unloved, and you are hope to the hopeless.
You are the source of all restoration, the only hope for humanity.
Daddy, I surrender to you humbly, yet boldly.Deliver me from my fears; heal my deep wounds, restore my joy, cover me in your peace, and be exactly what I need.
You are just that, the only one I need.
Here is my brokenness. I place it at your feet, oh Lord. It is messy, but honest.
Thank you for your perfect, healing, cleansing love; your everlasting love.
He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. – Deuteronomy 8:16
Even though my journey hasn’t always been sunshine and sunflowers, the hand of God can not be denied if you knew all of the little stories that make up the big picture of my life.
If you really knew me, you would know that I have experienced bitter heartbreak and shattered dreams. You would also know that my journey never ends there.
The wilderness has taught me to sing through the tears and praise through the pain.
Ann Voskamp says it beautifully, “Lord God, Maker of all, when you give manna moments, may I give you thanks for the mystery. Because the manna that makes no sense- You will make it my sustenance. In all of the “What is it?” moments, turn me to give thanks for who you are.”
Manna literally translates into ” What is it?”
I think about manna often, the “What is it?” of life. The daily miracle that abounded in the midst of the wilderness. This daily miracle provided nourishment in the place of uncertainty and unfamiliarity. Yet in Dueteronomy 8:16, it says, (manna) was given to humble and test them. I’ve found that this humility brings me to my knees, crying out to God. This is the time when I’ve felt closest to Him, when I had nothing else, no one else, but God alone.
It’s in the testing that He’s looking at the heart.
Will you curse Him in the wilderness or will you lift your weary hands in thanksgiving each day because He is faithful?
I’m thankful that I’m not the author of my own story.
I’m thankful that the places where I’ve tried to throw ink on the page, but couldn’t see where it should go, He took my mess and turned it into something much better. When the story started to turn out a way I didn’t want it to go, He saw the lines I couldn’t yet read. He provided the manna to sustain my soul when I was hopelessly wandering in the emptiness of the great unknown. I’m thankful that through the deepest heart breaks and disappointments, He gently led me, held me and sustained me.
He knew the road wouldn’t be easy, but it would be necessary. That it would feel lonely, but that He was all that I needed.
When there was nothing left to cling to, I could see what truly mattered. It was the only thing left standing when all else crumbled around me.
It was You, it is You. it will always be You. The great sustainer, the only one who will never disappoint, who heals shattered lives and makes them stronger. You are the Great I Am, You are peace when fear is knocking. You are the voice saying “don’t give up” when all else is demanding it. You walk me through the wilderness of life, no matter how many times it seems I end up there. Every time it doesn’t exactly get easier, but I do know that the manna will come everyday. I’ve learned that you know the ending, so I take the hand you offer me. I take it and trust that even when the valley is dark, the light always shines in the morning. In the darkness, there’s no need to fear, for You are with me and You go before me. (Deuteronomy 31:8, Psalm 139:5)
It was nearly midnight and we were cozied up on a teal couch in the beautiful city of Gainesville, Georgia. My husband, Brady and I were in a season of the in-between. We had been preparing to venture on an 11 month mission trip to 11 different countries for what seemed like ages, but it had been about a year and half. Raising money, gathering all of our travel gear and watching endless episodes of Man vs. Wild. It was exciting.
What wasn’t exciting was the deep feeling in my gut of hopelessness and a lost path.
You see, it had been a month, 30 dragged out days of wonder and waiting. Where would we go next?
It was in this time that Brady and I were learning that God’s plan for us is sometimes very different than our own plan for our lives. Needless to say, we were crushed. Through quite the turn of events, after completely changing our lifestyles and extensive amounts of time devoted to The World Race, we failed. We made it to 2 of the 11 countries anticipated (though we had traveled through 8 countries total) in that six week period of time.
What we saw as the end, the Lord had planned as just the beginning.
As our dreams were crushed, our faith was being awakened.
For those 30 days, we were stranded. We were not where we were supposed to be, and we certainly weren’t doing what we had planned. We were in Georgia and our squad of 53 other teammates were on their way to Romania. I wouldn’t exactly say we were thrilled, rather filled like smoke from a wildfire with jealousy, confusion and painful disappointment. I continuously asked myself, “why would the Lord bring us to do such an amazing thing and then strip it away from us? But at that time, only He knew.
God is the author of our story: It was well-written before the beginning of time, long before our first breath. He knew the path set before us when we were trying to run our own way. He simply picked us up, and re-routed us. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with The World Race, it was incredible for us, but instead of being the final destination, is was but a starting point. The white line on track where the guy with the gun says “Runners, on your mark.” Then, the trigger was pulled. and my oh my, was the bang from the gun reverberating in my ears.
At that moment in time, He didn’t want us on the mountain tops of Bulgaria or in the sheep pastures of Albania, He wanted us reclined on the teal couch. Our ears and eyes wide open, our hearts longing for wisdom, for answers, for Him.
He was calling us back to himself, calling us to follow him on the road less traveled. The one that made us afraid.
What was more unnerving than traveling around the world with just a bag on my back and knowing that I’ll be gone from all that I’ve known for 11 whole months? Disappointment. The place where we believed that we failed and all that we’ve hoped and dreamed is over.
Disappointment tries to convince us to give up, but this is where we get to push forward despite our fears. This is where our faith is strengthened as we walk into the uncertainties of life with the One who knows all things. The One who’s always known.
What is holding you back?
Push past disappointment, shake off the dust and let your faith be undeniably awakened.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” –Isaiah 43:18-19
Who I Am
I am:
an adventurer
a truth-speaker
a lover of people
a wifey to Brady
a mama to Parker & Liberty
What I Do
I am passionate about writing and worshipping.
I thrive on the challenge of transforming wild dreams into unbelievable realities.
I drink coffee. Anytime. Anywhere. Any excuse.
What I Believe
I believe that you have worth.
I believe that you are beautiful.
I believe that you were made with a purpose.
I believe that no matter how messed up and broken you believe you are, that you are never too far gone.
I believe that you can be redeemed and made whole.
I believe that the impossible is possible. I believe that Jesus is enough.
Deliver me from my fears; heal my deep wounds, restore my joy, cover me in your peace, and be exactly what I need.
