Albania

She rests her heavy head on the pillow hidden in the secret of her florescent orange tent. The smell of withering sheep droppings fills the air of the pasture she now calls home. Albania is this sweet, mountainous country full of shy smiles and shoes that don’t fit the children with whom she plays.   Yet, joy radiates from her being like a shooting star in a velvet black sky: undeniable.

 

            When I first arrived in Lezhe, Albania, I did not know what to expect of my first month on the world race. My squad has now been here for a little over a week working at camp ‘Light force’. Underprivileged village children between the ages of six and fourteen stay here for a week at a time.  My team works with a group of kids that we are with everyday from 8:00 am until 9:00 pm.  These children are identified by their schools and picked for this camp, making it free to them. Being at this camp gives these children an opportunity to play and just be kids. Also, to feel loved in a way that many of them never have been shown before because of the lack of affection and trust in the culture. The young children have many heavy responsibilities at home such as tending to their family farms. Some have even had to leave camp early to care for their livestock that produce the family income as well as their food.  I absolutely love these children, they are filled with so much joy and are tremendously thankful for the toys they get to play with which are in less than perfect conditions.

 

            In my life, I believe that the world race is the beginning of a new season.  By not just stepping, but lunging out of my comfort zone, the chains of my old life have fallen off. Every time I take a leap further into the unknown and the uncomfortable, I feel the weights that I have tied on, plummet to the ground.  The familiar is home to the mundane, but if you want to fly, throw yourself where you do not want to be: The uncomfortable. Test the limits of your heart and find yourself surprised at the feeling of unexpected satisfaction.

IMG_3743

Though we brought our tents, I did not expect to ever use them, and yet every night I sleep in one with my husband along with eleven dirty sheep in their small pasture. It is impossible to take one step without placing your feet on their droppings. I have hand-washed all of our clothes and leave them out to dry in the scorching hot sun.  Since the camp is sustained by the farm that it is on, the pigs, sheep and cows produce a constant aroma. The shower that we use is always cold and is literally over a squatty potty. This means we are spreading our legs over a filthy hole in the floor to try and get clean. To us Americans, this is the epitome of foreign. However, this is all that these children have ever known.

IMG_3119

In just this week alone on the camp I have seen a majority of the children with cheap flip-flops that are far too small for their growing feet and a boy with a hot pink suitcase with the word ‘lipstick’ written all over it because it was the only bag his family had for him to use. I walked down the rubbage filled dirt road and saw two small boys desperately digging through trashcans collecting plastic bottles trying to make a small income for their families.

IMG_3653

Too often in America and other first world countries, we complain because we run out of something that most people may not ever have in their lifetime. I believe that it is a privilege to be here doing as the Albanians do. I would never exchange the eye-opening experiences of serving as a missionary for a day of luxury in America. My heart is to love, and love well those who have less than I do. They will forever teach me so much more than I could ever teach them. I know that this is only the beginning of my year on The World Race, but my life will not stop there. My hands will not stop serving, my heart will not stop caring, and my love will never stop giving.

This may be  a ‘missions trip’, but it is so much more;

It is a way of life if one allows it.

 

The Beginning

I am currently sitting in a muggy airport in Amsterdam. This is the first stop of a myriad of places I will be visiting these next eleven months on the World Race. What I am looking forward to most is the unknown. I have no idea exactly where I’ll be living, eating, and traveling to. All I do know is that adventure will be taking place and I welcome it with open arms.

My final destination for this first month is Albania. I will be living in a tent and working at a summer camp for kids most of the time with my husband and 53 other people on my squad.

Stay tuned for many exciting pictures and blogs about what I will be doing and seeing throughout the world.

Sledgehammer to my heart

selfie

I am the kind of girl that can hold her own.

 I have always been a hard-worker and learned how to take care of myself early in life.

Though, I have learned how to paint my nails and wear dresses (sometimes), the tough tomboy that I was growing up still lurked underneath.

While in the process of taking care of my own, I quickly discovered the convenience of putting up walls.

Oh my, it is sure easy to put your walls up when you have been hurt; and more you have been hurt, the sturdier the walls.

Over time, I found that my heart had been fully enclosed by a wall the size of The Great Wall of China.

 A heart that strongly secured was not going to be handed over very easily; it had to be fought for.

Sure, “I’ve been working on it”, recognizing that burying my hurts only turned them into extreme numbness or rages of anger.

 Yet, what I did not know was that God was calling me to finally surrender.

The Great Wall

So, there I was again at training camp; this time with everything together. Or so I thought.  Brady and I had been working on our marriage and ourselves these past six months anyway.

I managed to get past the first two days of camp without any tears, however the third night rolled around and I was quickly wrecked with no return.

 I thought I was ready this time, but God knew the longings in my hearts, the ones that no one else knew.

During a time of worship, He showed me that He could see what was hidden in the depths of heart.  The little things I kept under lock and key.

All I wanted that night was to know that God remembered me. I couldn’t feel anything and looking around it seemed everyone else could.

Just then, with my eyes shut tight, someone walked beside me and told me what God was speaking to them: He said, “You no longer need to fight for yourself. You need to trust God and trust the husband that he gave to you. “

WRECKED.

 I was completely and utterly wrecked as if God took an enormous sledgehammer and shattered the sky-high walls I had built.

He was gently whispering the words right back to me that I had prayed many nights.

“Lord, I do not want to fight for myself any longer. It is so exhausting.”

His reply was a simple, “Surrender”.

I so ached to lay down my heart and my past hurts fully over to God. I desired to be free from insecurities and the natural instinct to hide behind the walls I’ve built.

brokenrubble

But it was time for my relationship with God and my husband to be taken to a deeper level: A level of complete trust by holding nothing back.

Let me just say this: I LOVE MY HUSBAND, and I mean, really love him. And I do trust him, but it’s like God knew that there was a piece of myself that I was holding back. I still held onto a desire for control over my own heart and a security of never getting hurt-ever again.

After this, I was able to be vulnerable with Brady and tell him how I felt about all of this. As God cut knocked down hurts from the very surface of my walls, I was able to feel a kind of free that I never have before.

bradykimmay

I believe that God created a time of new beginnings and a new heart within my being. This next year around the world, I will be able to serve and love others out of a place of freedom!

It doesn’t start when we leave the soil of America; God has already begun a beautiful story.

Are you ready to surrender to God and live life out of a place of freedom and new beginnings?

Your love is a natural disaster

As the earthquake shook, a powerful tsunami rose,

When it hit the ground, in fear the people froze

All tried to run, all tried to swim,

But the tsunami’s waves would overpowered them.

I’ve found the earthquake only you could be

The tsunami depicts your beautiful love for me

Though I ran, your waves came crashing down

Though I swam, was engulfed and nearly drowned

The force of a natural catastrophe

The source of a supernatural free

Your love overtakes like a natural disaster

Your love is the one and only thing I’m after

Let the tides come crashing down on me

Take me under, let me drown surrendering

Toss me around in a sea of redemption

Unconscious to a life bent on perfection

Waking up in a world after the unexpected event

Realizing a new life to be lived for all that it was meant.

Your love wrecked my life as if a natural disaster

My heart revived and now consistently beats faster

Anticipating my next encounter with a divine destiny

Forever drifting with the current as you take all of  me.

(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-41938488-1', 'auto'); ga('send', 'pageview');